Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
