Buhtt sex?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
