Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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