Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
