My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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