I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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