We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
