I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
be right there i have to get my cape
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
