She said her name was "party"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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