I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
