i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
