The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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