I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
They are going to name an STD after you.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
