At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
