we're blogging at a bar
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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