I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just invented taco cereal.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
