I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
