I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
