the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
