I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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