what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
