God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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