Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I will pee on everything he values.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
