So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
