I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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