TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
