grandma shit on top of the toilet
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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