All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
