she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have post one night stand depression
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
