So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The best revenge is premature balding
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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