Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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