there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm both gender and math confused
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
