So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This is classic penis vs brain.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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