I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
