You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
