apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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