I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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