Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
