Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's shark week go big or go home
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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