Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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