please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
