i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
