i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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