So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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