So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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