My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
