Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
