I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
