Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
