Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
