I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
