I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
