I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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