This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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