Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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