sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
