You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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