if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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