R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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