Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
