You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
