she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
