Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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